How To Talk With Someone Without Being Shy

 

How To Talk With Someone Without Being Shy

 

Hey guys, Today I am going to talk about How To Talk With Someone Without Being Shy, So let’s get started; one of my team members,  was telling me a college time story.  Which he feels very embarrassing.  But the thing which has happened with him,  I'm sure, it must have happened with you and me as well.  So, you know what will I do? 

Table Of Content: 

1. We sit in same class, right? 

2. Who's more intelligent? 

3. What to do for this? 

 

I will tell the same story as myself,  and try to tell in my words! Okay?  So, the thing is that,  I was sitting in a college lecture,  and as you know, anyone can sit anywhere in the college.  The cutest girl in the class was sitting where I was sitting that day. 

 

There is no lies in saying this,  I was distracted during the whole class.  I was not paying attention to, what the teacher was teaching,  but my attention was going on that girl, repeatedly!  I was looking at her, sometimes,  and she was also looking! 

 

Because of this we were having eye contact for a second  It was feeling good in starting,  but the best thing happened when,  again when our eyes met,  she looked at me and smiled.  As soon as she smiled,  I became so happy!  I thought, 'Wow',  she smiled,  I should say something. 

 

She is sitting near,  that means she can listen me easily!  So, it's a golden opportunity, I should talk to her now!  I was thinking it,  again we were having an eye contact.  We rolled our eyes as soon as our eyes met.  Because of this there was indication that if I talk then she will also talk to me.  But as I thought let's talk, then it started coming in my mind,  that what should I talk? 

 

Shall I ask about studies,  ask for pen,  ask to give notes,  and then I thought, let me say HI.  I was trying to speak after thinking but words were not coming out of my mouth  We were only making eye contact and our eyes were moving here and there.  That's why I started feeling a little anxious.  Weird insecurities started coming in my head.  That, I just got a pimple on my face,  The hair doesn't look right and the clothes look old too.  I don't know what she will think if I talk to her.  Just like that thinking about all the insecurities, the class ended.  After which I felt so defeated. 

 

That, sh*t, she was sitting near, I should have talked to her.  After this, on the second day, both of us were sitting at different places.  After a week she was sitting near to me!  I noticed she was looking at me today.  Her body language was also positioned towards me! 

 

I was so much sure,  today she will talk for sure.  As I was about to talk to her my heart was beating fast!  My hands started sweating what to talk about!  What to talk?  What if I talk to her and she doesn't reply? 

 

Will be insulted in front of all friends.  This time she has looked and smiled too,  but maybe she's doing generally!  Or maybe smiling at someone else.  Or maybe she has a smiling nature.  If I look for a long time, she might feel awkward.  The class ended thinking all these things!  And I couldn't speak anything.  After which I felt defeated again! 

This time I had decided that whatever happens,  if I get such a chance, I will definitely introduce myself.  Infact, I even bet with my friends,  If I don't talk next time, I'll throw you all a party. 

 

Will spend 500 rs. for sure!  A few days passed like this and I saw her in the library!  Honestly, she was looking very good.  And after looking at her, I started feeling anxious! 

 

But this time somehow I got myself introduced!  That 'hey, my name is Raj'!  We sit together in Biology class, right?  As soon as I spoke she recognized me and she smiled and said,  'Yes, I know you! My name is Sofia'. 

 

We sit in same class, right? 

 

We only talked so little and then her other friend came!  Seeing this, I became more anxious,  and left.  She also left!  After that we used to smile at each other!  But I could never move forward!  College ended just like that! 

 

Years later I came to know,  from her friend, when I met her, I came to know that,  her friend Sofia, she used to like you a little bit,  and she wanted you to talk to her more. 

 

But you ignored him two or three times,  and even after talking, you did not talk well.  She started thinking that you're not interested. 

 

Simply, you're a little bit rude maybe.  By the time you talked to her, her feelings had changed!  She started talking to someone else,  who used to talk to her very well and also liked her.  And in fact later they entered in relationship. 

 

That situation happens quite often with boys!  Where they have chance,  because they are hesitant and can not speak well,  infact can not speak anything,  Because of this their love story starts,  but never has a happy ending! 

 

So, in today’s article,  we'll talk on this topic.  That how can we talk to a girl without feeling nervous or anxious,  or if you are a girl and have to talk to boy without feeling anxious,  so how you should do that,  we're going to talk about it. 

 

I'm going to tell 3 things specifically,  which if you follow properly,  then for sure, without feeling scared or anxious,  you can talk well with people and impress them,  and maybe come in a relationship.  Okay?  Let's know what those three points are! 

 

I am going to tell you this with the help of many books.  But I've concised it and put it in three things,  so that you don't get confused and there would be no more points. 

 

There'd be only a few points.  But if you apply these three points well,  then you'll get results for sure.  So, let's know what those three points are.  First is clear your intentions.  This thing is being told in many communication based books.  And is also an important point,  sometimes, how you're talking is more important than what you're talking. 

 

And this 'how you're doing' puts a lot of impact,  if your intentions are not fine.  With the reference of many books, I'll tell you,  that what and how you can talk to girls or boys. 

 

If you won't be able to say all those things convincingly,  won't be able to say properly,  then there would be no benefit.  Now how to say properly?  For that, you'll have to keep your intentions clear. 

 

Because your intentions can be seen in body language and way of talking.  I've seen many boys,  who like a girl heartily,  means they have different intentions,  but when they talk,  they talk like just friends.  And they always do things like friends.  Due to which, they get friend zoned. 

 

On the other hand, there are boys in extremes,,  they talk to every girl with bad intentions.  They talk like, they have to come in relationship,  and sometimes these people look like jerks!  And their way of talking isn't good. 

 

And it shouldn't be like this!  Sometimes when you're talking to a normal girl,  you shouldn’t talk with bad intentions.  You should talk with some girls as a friend. 

 

If a girl came near you,  and is asking for direction,  then don't think that she is coming to you because she likes you,  or don't keep bad intentions.  You'll meet many girls in your life,  and will talk too,  but it's not like that,  that you want to attract that girl towards you!  And if you want to attract every girl towards you,  then stop it. 

 

If you're meeting anyone in train, college, workplace,  many times you should have clear intentions,  that she is just a normal person whom I'm interacting with.  Or just a normal stranger who is asking for help.  If you'll keep clear intentions like this,  you'll be able to communicate properly,  and it'll help you to sort out things in brain. 

 

That, how you should talk to normal girls,  and the one who is special for you and whom you like a lot,  how you should talk with her.  Have clear intentions for that!  Because when you don't have clear intentions,  by mistake, you can get friend zoned,  and it can ruin your friendship also. 

 

Mark Manson also suggest in his book,  if you like a girl,  don't go to her with this intention,  that I want to be just a friend,  and I'm just trying to talk as a friend.  Don't lie to yourself and others.  This thing comes on sight and doesn't even look right!! 

 

It shows that you don't have confidence.  Due to which, when you'll have chances,  that you may come in relationship in future,  still you won't be able to come in relationship,  and will enter friend zone area.  So, if you like a girl, keep clear intentions for her.  And tell your feelings by communicating properly!  Before doing this, Mark Manson suggests that,  that you follow this point too. 

 

Assume the interaction will go well.  Author tells that he was watching a documentary on Animal Planet.  Whose narrator,  was studying on the people who abuse dogs. 

 

There he tells,  dogs by rescuing from abusive circumstances,  and comes in care homes,  so that someone may adopt them.  So, these dogs aren't able to interact with rest humans,  they face so much problems. 

 

Why?  Because their past human interactions,  were bad in experience.  So, they are conditioned,  that human will give them pain and danger.  Due to which, they bark,  or are scared from them.  Author says, the same happens with  humans. 

 

If you've ever talked to girls before,  and had bad interaction,  due which you might got pain,  or got insult,  so you'll feel bad in talking to girls. 

 

You'll hesitate and will feel more anxious.  It'll ruin your confidence,  and at the end, when you'll go to talk to someone,  because you'll have low confidence,  you won't be able to talk well.  Whereas on the other hand,  if you assume,  that your interaction will go well,  and build such a confidence,  then it will create a positive cycle. 

 

You'll feel better, will talk properly,  your insecurity and nervousness will reduce,  which, at the end, will make your more confident,  and you'll be able to talk well.  So, the first point is,  when you talk to someones, assume that  your interaction will go well. 

 

Again, at the time of doing this,  your intentions matter a lot.  If you'll have clear intentions,  you'll get clear results.  After this,  once the intentions are set,  you've come to the second point, that is  'Have a great sense of humor'. 

 

See friends,  using humor during conversations can be risky sometimes.  If you use it more,  people will consider you as a joker. 

 

Or if you crack a joke and no one laughs,  you'll feel so awkward.  But if you use it properly,  this risky game will give you high reward.  You must have seen it many times,  boys who can make people laugh,  automatically, they look so attractive. 

And this thing was concluded by Jeffrey Hall in University of Kansas.  Who brought two different people in front of public,  and got their conversations done!  Where he noticed that,  first person who was smart and academically intelligent,  when he talked to people,  he performed poorly.  He cracked jokes,  but they didn't land anywhere. 

 

No one found him funny!  Whereas the other person,  who was average intelligent,  when he talked to people and made them laugh,  people enjoyed him more.  And when people were asked,  what do you think?

 

Who's more intelligent? 

 

Then maximum people chose second person as intelligent.  The one who was more funny,  people called him more intelligent.  If you're funny,  you can attract more people,  and people like you more!  And this becomes the one of the biggest factor for girls also!  Because many times  your intelligence and qualification won't matter,  it'll matter that how well you can talk to girls,  and can make them laugh. 

 

Because there is a research behind it,  when a girl laughs,  she releases a massive amount of dopamine in her brain,  compared to boys.  Which is our feel good hormone.  Then obviously if you're a boy,  and can make a girl laugh,  then more hormones will release,  due to which they will like you more.  

 

I won't guarantee that you'll become a funny person after watching that article,  but yes, there are important points,  which if you'll start applying in your life,  it'll help you to become a better funny person.  And again,  funniness  is situational, sometimes. 

 

And it can be increased with practice.  The more you socialize,  the more you hangout with funny people,  and the more you try to crack jokes on people,  the more chances are that you'll be able to become funny. 

 

Comedians who perform on stage,  maximum times, they go to open mics,  and test their jokes,  and the joke which performs well, they use it on big stage.  Okay?  Similarly, you also can do try and error,  to increase your funniness.  And then comes the third point,  Kill your fear. 

 

Whenever you feel hesitated while talking to a girl,  then a cognitive dissonance goes on in your mind.  It means that,  on one hand, you know what you have to do,  means what's the right action in that situation,  but on the other hands, your powerful emotions,  like fear, anxiety,  all these give excuses in your brain,  that why you shouldn't do that thing,  which are stopping you from taking actions. 

 

What to do for this? 

 

There is a philosophy for this,  which is being told in 'Can't hurt me' by David Goggins.  Where he says,  when you reach this situation,  where you think that you should do this thing,  but still you don't do,  then you put extra force to do that thing. 

 

For example,  we all that that waking up in the morning,  brushing,  and taking cold shower,  all these are good for us.  But they make us feel uncomfortable.  Then author says,  that you should start that doing by putting extra force. 

 

And face more uncomfortable situations.  Instead of running away,  try to face them more.  If you go in a social gathering,  that you'll talk to a random person there,  he'll make you feel uncomfortable.  And you'll step behind. 

 

But no, at that time you've to remind,  going into uncomfortable situations is must!  And it's also said that everyday you should do one such work,  that will make you feel uncomfortable. 

 

And how to do it practically?  For this, there is a practical method called '5 second rule',  which is, basically, kill the root.  Which will help you to kill your fear.  Whenever you feel uncomfortable,  you're not going in that situation,  then you count till 5. 

 

One.  Two.  Three.  Four.  Five.  And as soon as you count 5,  take action immediately!  Like, for example,  the countdown starts when rocket launches.  Ten  Nine  Eight... seven  In the same way, you can start reverse countdown.  Five.  Four.  Three.  Two.  One. 

 

And as soon as you count one,  whatever the work you feel hesitated about,  go instantly towards it.  And the logic behind it is,  when we start giving time to our brain,  and start thinking,  before doing any work,  our brain makes excuses somehow,  and gives any reason,  that why shouldn't we do that thing. 

 

Okay!  And sometimes, it'll be hard to fight with our brain,  so there is a simple method to hack it,  start countdown,  and don't let tat fear take birth in your mind. 

 

Take instant action!  After that, it'd be more easy to take action for you!  And trust me, I've also tried this method many times.  And it works well!  If I have to talk to someone,  or to do anything in which I feel scared,  then I try to minimize the gap between that work and its time. 

 

The more it'll reduce,  the more I'll be able to do work.  And you must have seen, the work which we feel scared about,  once we start doing that work,  that fear reduces gradually!  Whereas,  the more we think about it, the more that fear increases.  And it happens during stage also. 

 

If I've to go to talk on stage,  if I start thinking a lot about it,  then the fear will rise.  And maybe, while starting the fear will remain,  but within a few seconds,  or after few minutes, you can say,  the stage fear also starts reducing. 

 

Similar goes to,  when I go to talk to a girl,  in starting I feel scared,  but after a few minutes, that fear fades away.  Again, these are three simple things which you can do and you should do. 

 

First, have clear intentions.  Learn a little bit about humor.